a muddied up, low vibrational azimah.
when wisdom is hard to follow where there is so much doubt, fear, worry, anger, self-deprecation, blocks; recognizing but still doing the opposite anyway. having no self respect masked as being super confident. always too much guilt and regret right after; over ruminations, non acceptance, little faith.
the worst part is, i think, not being able to figure out the root of all these negativities, or the difficulty of it. or knowing but not having the courage to admit the cause. or confusing all the different causes as to which one is the ultimatum of which.
i dont even want to talk about what i used to be, how i'd used to deal with this. the wisdom i had/have is ever evolving, that i know. but the inability to stay wise with a better reaction to things is what i suffer.
so easy to break nowadays.
all the transitions, the losses, fast resolutions.
-after lunch and a cup of coffee-
why am i letting this bother me so much? why do i give this much power? after two videos on letting go, all i can say it: fuck all that. then everything is fucked away and all i feel is peace.